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Русская газета «РЕКЛАМА МАЙАМИ» / Russian newspaper «REKLAMA MIAMI»     954-344-7797     954 227 82 91







Юмор

* * *
– Здравствуйте, мосье Петушков! У меня к вам дельце! Для вас есть роскошная невеста, молодая вдова, редкой красоты, очень серьезная. И невинная!
– Как, невинная? Вы же сказали, что она вдова!
– Ой, это было так давно, она уже все забыла!
* * *
Самолёт падает. Штурман – стюардессе: “Успокой пассажиров...”
– Уважаемые пассажиры! У нас экспериментальный полет, сейчас мы нырнем в море, а потом полетим дальше.
Удар, плавают обломки самолёта и два одессита.
– Жора! Я не понял этой хохмы, они что – улетели без нас?


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Children’s Writer Eduard Uspensky Dies at Age 80

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Eduard Uspensky, one of the country’s most beloved children’s writers, passed away Tuesday evening after a long illness. He was 80 years old.
Born in 1937, the height of Stalin’s purges, one of the most horrible years in Russia’s recent history, Uspensky grew up to be one of the funniest Soviet writers and the most recognizable names in children’s literature.

 

Lavrov Says Dollar’s Days Are Numbered as Global Trade Currency

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The U.S. dollar’s role as a global currency is in decline and Russia has been exploring for some time using national currencies to settle bilateral trade deals with Turkey and other countries, Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov said. But Lavrov, speaking on a visit to the Turkish capital on Tuesday, did not make any commitments for Russia to drop the dollar in trade with Turkey, whose lira currency plummeted to a record low against the dollar this week. “I’m confident that the grave abuse of the role of the U.S. dollar as a global reserve currency will result over time in the weakening and demise of its role,” said Lavrov, who was speaking at a news conference with his Turkish counterpart. “The use of national currencies for mutual trade has for several years been one of the tasks that the presidents of Russia and Turkey had set,” said Lavrov. “Identical processes have been happening in our relations with Iran. Not only with Turkey and Iran, we’re also arranging and already implementing payments in national currencies with the People’s Republic of China,” Lavrov said. On Monday, the Kremlin said that Russia favored bilateral trade with all countries in their national currencies, rather than the dollar, but that the idea needed detailed work before being implemented.

 

Russian VIP Coffins Offer a Last Journey for Big Spenders

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If you can’t take your money to the grave, why not spend it on a coffin? A Moscow funeral home is offering a selection of “elite”caskets for the big spenders who are ready to pay thousands of dollars for the box in which they’ll spend eternity. RSS Ritual, a funeral home based in Moscow, sells engraved and Italian-made wooden coffins that range in price from 68,000 rubles ($1,020) to 780,000 rubles ($11,700). “Death is irreversible,” RSS Ritual says on its website. “We try to do everything we can to help you see off a worthy person on a worthy last journey.” The collection on offer includes Ukrainian-made “Patriot” coffin engraved with the Russian coat of arms that sells for $8,500, and the Italian-made “Venezia America” olive wood coffin on sale for almost $10,000. Russians have bought dozens of “Patriot” coffins in the 10 years the design has been on the market, the funeral home’s manager Andrei Dobrolyubov told The Moscow Times on Wednesday. However, the company stopped importing the top-flight caskets for two years after taking a hit during the 2014 financial crisis. “These caskets were much cheaper before the dollar crashed four years ago,” said Dobrolyubov.

 

Russian Gas Prices Named Among World’s Cheapest — Bloomberg

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Gasoline prices in Russia have been named the world’s 10th-cheapest in Bloomberg’s ranking of 61 countries released last week. Russian drivers saw an average 8.2 percent rise in fuel prices this spring, leading at least one regional official to ditch his car in favor of riding a horse to work. Kremlin officials said last month that they had introduced steps to halt the price hike, which the economy ministry later said had helped slow the rise in gas prices to 2.1 percent in June. Russian gas prices were the 10th cheapest this year at an average 43.44 rubles per liter ($0.70), according to Bloomberg. Venezuela topped the list with $0.01 gasoline, followed by less than $0.50 charged in Iran, Kuwait, Nigeria and Egypt this year. The most expensive pumps were found to be in Hong Kong, where one liter cost up to $2.10 in 2018. Meanwhile, Russia ranked 34th in affordability, calculated in terms of how much of a day’s wage goes to paying for one liter of gas. It placed 52nd in the percentage of annual income spent on filling up, according to Bloomberg.

 

Russia to Increase Oil Production to New Record Highs in 2019

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Russian oil producers have already returned oil production to record levels this year and will boost crude production further next year thanks to the launch of several greenfield projects, the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) said in a report on Aug. 13. Russian oil production has increased recently to a record 11.2 million barrels a day, earning oil producers outsized profits this year. Russian state-owned oil producer Rosneft has already earned more profit in the first quarter of this year than in all of 2017, which recently made it the most valuable company in the country.

 

Putin Calls for More Positivity on Social Media

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Amid an escalating national debate about social media users being jailed for offensive memes, President Vladimir Putin has stepped in to lament the lack of positivity found online. Russian activists have ramped up calls to decriminalize laws that make posting religiously insensitive, hateful or other “extremist” content on social media a jailable offense. Vkontakte, the social network that has been accused of providing the most case materials to authorities, announced steps this week to improve privacy settings for users. At a youth forum in the North Caucasus on Wednesday, Putin lauded its participants for spreading their work on social media “with the utmost of positivity.” “It’s that positivity that’s missing on social networks,” the state-run TASS news agency quoted him as saying. “It’s 100 percent needed on the networks,” Putin added. A day earlier, his spokesman Dmitry Peskov reportedly admitted that some criminal cases involving online activity “were beyond the realm of common sense.”

 

Russia Football Team Makes Biggest Jump in FIFA Ranking After World Cup

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The Russian football team’s unlikely advance to the World Cup quarterfinals this summer has propelled it to the top-50 of FIFA’s latest rankings since Russia hosted the championship. Russia had its World Cup dream cut short on July 8, when Croatia won 4-3 on penalties in a dramatic quarterfinal that ended 2-2 after extra time. Russia entered the tournament as the worst-ranked side, at a historic-low 70th place. Russia’s performance helped the team catapult 21 spots to 49th, making it the biggest move by ranks, according to FIFA’s updated table on Thursday. 2018 World Cup champion France was the biggest points-based mover as it landed the top spot of the table, overtaking Germany, which dropped to 15th place. Belgium and Brazil ranked second and third, while finalist Croatia and Uruguay closed out the top-5. FIFA said it changed the algorithm of its rating system to account for inactive teams and losses or draws against weaker opposition.

 

Russian Railways Plans Ultra Low-Budget Train Cars Without Toilets

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Russian Railways plans to introduce new budget train cars for customers willing to endure a lack of air conditioning and toilets. Federal Passenger Co., the subsidiary which runs long-distance passenger services for the state-owned Russian Railways, said in an annual report that it plans to upgrade a third of its 19,300 carriages by 2025. As part of the overhaul, the company said it will discontinue more than 5,000 carriages with an average age of 20 years by 2021. “Before their complete disposal, old cars without air conditioners and bio-toilets are scheduled to be allocated into a separate temporary ‘economy-budget’ brand,” the subsidiary said in the report. The Russian Railways development program for 2025 disclosed plans last month to start phasing out platzkart train cars — legendary Soviet-era third-class carriages with stacked beds — as early as 2019. Instead, the carriages will be fitted with shower cabins, vending machines and USB slots, the Vedomosti business daily cited Russia’s biggest rail car maker as saying.

 
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