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В спортивном магазине жена выбирает тренажер. Встав на беговую дорожку, она говорит мужу:
– Дорогой, если ты купишь мне ее, я буду выглядеть, как старшеклассница.
– Дорогая, это всего лишь беговая дорожка, а не машина времени.
* * *
Женщина, приобретая в салоне меховое манто, расплачивается на кассе, извлекая из сумочки и карманов скомканные и мокрые деньги. На недоуменный взгляд кассира она отвечает:
– Муж так рыдал, так рыдал...
* * *
Пациент — врачу-венерологу:
– Доктор, что вы можете сказать о результатах моих анализов?
– Вирусная база успешно обновлена.

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Mutko Removed as Chief Organizer of Russia’s 2018 World Cup

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Deputy Prime Minister Vitaly Mutko has been ordered to step down as head of Russia’s 2018 World Cup Organizing Committee by a governmental decree published Thursday.
The former sports minister had been under increasing pressure to step down from the committee after receiving a lifetime ban from the Olympics last month for his role in a state-run doping scheme at the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi. Prior to his removal, Mutko was a key figure behind preparations for next year’s World Cup in Russia.


Russian Film Strikes Out at the Golden Globes

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Russian filmmakers are going home empty-handed when “Loveless” failed to capture the Golden Globe here Sunday night.
The top foreign language film prize went to German entry “In the Fade.”
But the game is not over for “Loveless” — it is still in the running for an Academy Award.


First Official World Cup Store Opens in Central Moscow

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The first official World Cup store opened in the center of Moscow on Tuesday, just in time for the New Year’s shopping rush.
The shop is located on the first floor of Detsky Mir, or Central Children’s Store, on Lubyanka, at walking distance from Red Square. It offers official World Cup souvenirs, ahead of the tournament in Russia next summer  — such as the Telstar 18 football, t-shirts, backpacks and stationery, among other items.


Vodka Named One of Russia’s Highest Quality Products

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Russia’s standards watchdog Roskachestvo announced that vodka was one of only two goods — in addition to mini-bagels — sold in the country in which no safety or quality violations were found in the past two years.
Roskachestvo didn’t find any violations in tests of 49 vodka brands produced by 34 domestic and foreign companies, according to a report published on its website on Wednesday.
The watchdog listed Zelyonaya Marka (Green Mark), Pyat Ozyor (Five Lakes), Russkiy Standard (Russian Standard) and Beluga as some of the best quality brands of vodka sold in Russia.


Russian Railways Passenger Lines to Bypass Ukraine

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Russian Railways (RZD) passenger trains will bypass Ukraine on their way to Western destinations starting Dec. 11, the state-run TASS news agency has reported, citing RZD’s head of passenger transportation Dmitri Pegov.
RZD delivered on the promise to bypass Ukraine by the end of 2017 as part of larger Kremlin strategy that will cut Ukraine out of Russia’s connections to its main customers in Europe.  The construction of the 55 billion ruble ($928 million) bypass line, which spans 37 kilometers, started in 2015 after the annexation of the Crimea by Russia and the resulting showdown with the West. It connects the Voronezh and Rostov regions in Russia and replaces an existing line that crosses the Ukrainian separatist region of Lugansk.


Moscow Gets a New Museum

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Gilyarovsky Center is named after Vladimir Gilyarovsky, a journalist who wrote about Moscow and its people — mostly its lower classes — in pre- and post-revolutionary Russia. His stories were expanded and gathered into several collections, among which “Moscow and Muscovites” is the most famous — and most beloved. Until his death in 1935, he lived next door to the new center.


Putin Reportedly Started His Career as a Film Stuntman

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Long before he became Russia’s president in 2000, Vladimir Putin reportedly earned pocket money as a stuntman at a Leningrad film studio in his early twenties.
According to a new report by the Dozhd TV channel, Putin and his long-term judo partner Arkady Rotenberg — now one of Russia’s richest businessmen — were stuntmen in several patriotic war films during the 1970s.
The opportunity arose when judo coach Alexander Massarsky decided to invite young athletes to the Lenfilm studio to serve as stuntmen.


Russian Orthodox Church Divided Over Priest’s Ill-Fated Satellite Blessing

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A debate is raging within the Russian Orthodox Church over whether a priest’s blessing caused a satellite to crash into the Atlantic this week.
The rocket carrying the Meteor-M satellite and 18 smaller satellites plunged into the ocean shortly after liftoff from a cosmodrome in Russia’s Far East on Tuesday.
A space agency official later said that the satellite was still in space despite not reaching its designated orbit, the NVK Sakha broadcasting company reported on Wednesday.

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