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В спортивном магазине жена выбирает тренажер. Встав на беговую дорожку, она говорит мужу:
– Дорогой, если ты купишь мне ее, я буду выглядеть, как старшеклассница.
– Дорогая, это всего лишь беговая дорожка, а не машина времени.
* * *
Женщина, приобретая в салоне меховое манто, расплачивается на кассе, извлекая из сумочки и карманов скомканные и мокрые деньги. На недоуменный взгляд кассира она отвечает:
– Муж так рыдал, так рыдал...
* * *
Пациент — врачу-венерологу:
– Доктор, что вы можете сказать о результатах моих анализов?
– Вирусная база успешно обновлена.

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Russian Senators Warn Companies against Advertising on Twitter

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A Russian senator yesterday recommended Russian companies not to advertise on Twitter.
The Federation Council’s recommendation comes in response to Twitter’s decision last week to ban two Russian media outlets, RT and Sputnik, from advertising on the site.
“As a mirror response to the discriminatory actions of U.S. authorities against Russian media, we recommend that Russian companies refrain from advertising on Twitter,” the head of the Commission for the Protection of State Sovereignty, Oleg Morozov, was cited by the Interfax news agency as saying at yesterday’s meeting.


RT Editor and Russian Central Bank Chief Rank on Forbes’ Powerful Women List

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A Forbes list of the world’s most powerful women includes the controversial editor of RT Margarita Simonyan and the head of Russia’s Central Bank Elvira Nabiullina.
Nabiullina, who ranked 49th on the list — one place above celebrity singer Beyonce Knowles— is known as a cautious reformer and is widely credited with helping Russia through an economically turbulent period due to low oil prices and sanctions.


U.S. Vows to Return Flags From Seized Russian Consulate

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The United States will return the flags removed from a seized consulate in San Francisco to Russia, the State Department said.
Moscow has protested the flag removals and demanded the immediate return of its state symbols “to their place.”
U.S. State Department spokeswoman Heather Nauert said at a Thursday briefing that the Russian flags in San Francisco had been lowered with respect and stored safely inside the properties.
“Russian authorities have been told that we would be able to return those flags certainly at their convenience,” she said.


Kaliningrad Mayor Says Residents Should Leave City During World Cup Matches

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The mayor of Kaliningrad, a host city for the 2018 World Cup, is urging residents to clean up their yards, avoid fights, and leave city before matches are held there, the Interfax news agency reported Wednesday.
Leaving Kaliningrad is voluntary, but strongly encouraged, since city roads will be congested and almost entirely limited to official transport during the competition, mayor Alexander Yaroshuk said in an interview to a local radio station.
“One of the four games that take place in Kaliningrad will surely feature a top European team,” Yaroshuk said. “The city will receive 70,000 to 100,000 tourists.”


Moscow Named World’s Fourth Safest Megacity for Women

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Moscow has been ranked the world’s fourth safest megacity for women in a Thomson Reuters Foundation survey published Monday.
The survey ranked the world’s 19 largest megacities — cities with a population of 10 million or more — across criteria such as the risk of sexual violence, access to healthcare, cultural practices and economic opportunities. The non-profit interviewed 20 experts on women’s issues in each city and based its results on at least 15 experts in every country.


Worldwide Short Film Festival Opens in Moscow

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The Worldwide Short Film Festival, which goes by the charming acronym “shnit,” is an international festival of short films that opens in Moscow on Wednesday and runs until Sunday at several venues around the city.   
For 14 years shnit has been held in eight cities around the world — for the last four years in Moscow.


Russia Prepares to Blacklist Five ‘Undesirable’ U.S. Media Outlets

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Russian senators have drawn up  a list of five U.S.-based media outlets, including CNN, whose activities in Russia could be restricted in response to a requirement to have the American branch of Russia’s state-funded RT television channel register as a foreign agent.
The U.S. Justice Department has asked that the Kremlin-backed RT adhere to a 1930s foreign agent registration law over concerns of Russian meddling in the 2016 presidential elections. Russian prosecutors are examining the possibility of labeling U.S. outlets as “undesirable” in response.


Socialite Ksenia Sobchak Announces Bid for Russian Presidency

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Russian journalist and socialite Ksenia Sobchak made the announcement Wednesday on a special episode of her “Sobchak Live” show on opposition-leaning Dozhd TV news channel.
She also sent a letter to the daily Vedomosti news site outlining her reasons for running against Putin, who is expected to confirm his candidacy at the Valdai conference Oct. 19, where the Kremlin said he will make “an important announcement.”
Sobchak said elections in which prominent opposition leader Alexei Navalny — barred from running over fraud convictions — was not allowed to participate should not be boycotted.

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